Children learn more from example, then words. Treasure
your friends, talk about them in “good” terms, and make
time to share yourself with them. If your child senses that
they are an integral part of your life, then he/she will soon
come to the conclusion that friends are a vital part of who
we are and where we want to go. This, in itself, will be an
outward push to try a bit harder, or to be more open and
resourceful.Friendship is Not an Easy Ship
With school bells starting to ring, many parents will
hear their little ones moan that “no one likes me.”
When you are young and new at making friends, it
can be quite a challenge and it can hold a lot of
fears and tears.
Arleen M. Kaptur has written many books and articles on everyday living and finding peace and joy in all we do.
When you sit down with your child to discuss making friends,
the important lesson is that they understand they have to be
a friend to have one. Respecting that other children have
interests, likes, dislikes, and favorites is just a part of life. If
your child is only interested in their favorite sport, doll, or
superhero, then this limits the playing field for them. If they
are open to seeing other options, then they are on their way.
Also, your child should be taught to “read” other kids. If they
are upset, it is not necessarily with them. They could just be
having a bad day or something at home that has nothing to
do with your child. Children can be moody and understanding
this can lift tension and fear. Everything is not your child’s fault.
Other children can have issues and needs, and adults are there
to fill in the gaps. Sharing, caring, and being respectful and kind
are more than platitudes. They are a way of life - an inroad to
being the type of person everyone wants for a friend. It is never
too early to learn these traits and incorporate them in daily
living. Selfishness and “mine” is a part of growing up, but it
can be channeled into the right road so that fun and enjoyment
is not pushed aside in order to have everything. If your child
feels in their heart that people are more important than things,
then they will be open and ready to meet other children half-
way and to share experiences and playthings.
As a parent, if you open your home to children from your
child’s school or soccer team, don’t “be” there constantly.
Of course, supervision is important but it should not be
overbearing. You don’t have to be part of the board game,
and you don’t have to help make a field goal. Let the
children be themselves, feel a bit free in what they do and
say because you are still a parent and “old,” no matter
your age. If tensions arise, then step in a bit, but even
letting minor issues heal themselves is a learning experience.
What may start out as a “war” may well just be a “skirmish”
and a “victory” is at the end of that tunnel.
If you want to help your child succeed in being a good friend,
then be one to your child. Share your time, and your wisdom in
a way that will make your child see that love is life and having
friends is a treasure in itself. The clothes you wear, the type of
car that drives you to school, or the shoes on your feet is not
the big answer. If it is to some, then their friendship would be
shallow and uneasy. It is and always will be the person inside
that designer jacket, or walking in those Nike shoes. Being a
friend is the first step, and even when the bumps and bruises
of childhood come along, your child will have the confidence
that life does take a curve but you are there to help smooth
the edges and to let go of some of the worries. A few minutes
and allowing your child to be themselves and talk to you will
be more help than lectures and demands. You are an example
and that is louder than your words.
Something to think about.Friendship is Not an Easy Ship
Can a parent help a child make friends? The answer
is not an easy one and it is both yes and no. You can
help but you cannot overstep or take over. Helping
your child is one thing, but if you go too far, then the kids
will come for your cookies, your games, and your rides
to places to go. Your child will be an outsider looking in
and that is not what you want.
Arleen M. Kaptur
August, 2007
Article Source : Friendship is Not an Easy Ship
